“James, I got overlooked for a promotion and it’s really getting to me”

A client recently shared how they missed out on a promotion they felt they had earned. What made it worse? Watching others in the company get the nod ahead of them.

I resonate with this big time. 

I remember a specific year where I had worked my butt off for a wealth management company during a tumultuous time. Morale was low. Complaints about leadership were rising. But I stayed committed.

My boss at the time gave me an average performance review, saying, “James, you’ve had consistent strong ratings the last few years and this blip will help you in the long run.”

That rating meant I was overlooked for a company award many believed I deserved. And here’s the kicker: my boss ended up getting the award himself. Brutal.

So how do we navigate this wrestle?

So how do we deal with those moments where we feel overlooked or let down? What do we do with those very real and unpleasant feelings churning inside us?

Well, first things first.

It…really…sucks. Sure, there are stronger words, but we’re keeping it G-rated!

Being overlooked. Not picked. Feeling like it’s unfair. It never feels good.

What’s really going on inside?

Let’s name it: our unhealthy comparison often goes into overdrive.

And it makes sense as someone close to us has “gone ahead,” and we can’t help but feel like we’re falling behind. 

I find the comparisons get detailed: from their hairstyle and speaking style… to their resume, background, family life, where they live—you name it. Our minds spiral with obsessive thoughts, sometimes leading to superiority, sometimes to self-doubt.

(If this strikes a chord, I’ve previously written about Mastering Comparison and created a 40-day intensive on the topic—message me if you'd like more on that.)

But beyond comparison, there’s another feeling worth naming: Bitterness

The Rise and Cost of Bitterness (If Left Unchecked)

Psychologists and spiritual writers agree that bitterness often grows when we feel unfairly treated, underappreciated, or hurt. It’s subtle. It overlaps with anger and resentment.

And from my experience and others, we don’t want to let bitterness sit for too long - there is a cost of bitterness if left unchecked.

I didn’t know how to name it back then, but the bitterness started leaking out.

• My tone changed with that particular leader.

• My skepticism toward company decisions intensified.

• I found it hard to celebrate others’ promotions and wins.

• I gravitated toward people who also felt disgruntled.

It started negatively shaping how I worked, how I related, and how I saw people.

So what can help us navigate bitterness in a healthier way?

Because let’s be honest: we still have work to do, and we’re often still around the very people who were chosen over us.

Here’s a picture that’s been helping me lately: Lemon Lime Bitters. (LLB, for those who know and love it. Did you know it’s an Aussie drink that started in the 1880s?)

It’s one of my all-time favourite drinks and growing up it was something I’d get as a treat during special family dinners at Chinese restaurants.

It’s made of three things: Lemon soda, lime cordial and aromatic bitters.

The purpose of the lemon soda is to take away the sharpness of the bitters while the lime cordial adds sweetness to it.

Key insight: Bitterness on its own is never good. 

So what can take the edge off and bring back some sweetness in moments of bitterness?

The Gift of the Walk and Talk

The Walk. When I say walk, yes it includes body movement but I also have seen how a simple shift of environment goes a long way to help me shift my perspective. Whether it’s for 5mins or 10mins, changing our environment can help give us the necessary space to pay attention to how our body is reacting, process our core feelings and look at our situation in a more holistic way. taking the edge off and add sweetness.

The Talk. Talking with the right person when bitterness is rising has a way of taking off the sharpness. Some of you know I’m big on competent accountability—having people who are not only full of grace to meet me in my mess, but also equipped to offer insight and guidance in sensitive and vulnerable moments.

The right talk with the right kind of person helps add clarity, objectivity, sweetness and take the edge off. And they often help you see the good that’s still there.

A walk + talk together? Now that’s potent medicine to counter the bitterness. Boom!

Whether it’s a friend, a coach, a mentor, or a trusted colleague, this combo can be a game-changer.

Over to you

1. When have you noticed bitterness rising up? What was the cost of leaving it unchecked?

2. What helps you take the edge off or add sweetness in tough seasons?

3. And just for fun, what was your favourite childhood drink?

I’d love to hear your reflections. Simply send me a note james@liveholystic.com and I'll be sure to read what you write!

James

p.s this is an excerpt taken from my regular Wins & Wrestles email drops where we celebrate the victories and wrestle through the tensions of building a life of holistic success and lasting contentment. Subscribe here to receive future email drops straight in your inbox

#Leadership #HolisticSuccess #EmotionalResilience #Bitterness #WinsAndWrestles #CoachingReflections #WalkAndTalk #LemonLimeBitters #unbottlingbitterness